It was very interesting for me to import these posts from last year in Knoxville. To look back on it now from where I am now (Seattle, WA), it just re-affirms my belief in the decision that I made to leave. Although it was a very tough decision to leave Knoxville, even after only six weeks at Seattle Drum School, I feel the weight of the progress I'm making increase daily, and cannot wait to see what else this city has to offer.
I did, however, want these posts to be available, mainly because I believe them to be a great lens into some of my earlier struggles as a musician. It was a very full year of education and it opened up so many doors for me, and my gratitude for that is endless. I'd like to again pay thanks to Mark Douglass and Keith Brown for helping me spark the fuse of my musical career.
Either way, this is my first day on this website, and whether or not anybody follows this, I will do my best to keep this site updated with my latest happenings and discoveries.
Thanks for your time,
Aaron
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Music (Part 3 of ~)
Music...hmmm...First off, let me say that I am unbelievably grateful for the rate of progression that I have achieved this year. It is very much a product of great teaching and tapping into a part of myself that I never have before. This whole semester has given a whole new meaning to 'pushing myself.'
Not only have I progressed in the areas that I truly wanted to (mainly behind the drum kit), but I have also been exposed to SO MUCH new music, as well as new instruments. Percussion in itself holds an unbelievably vast arsenal of instruments, all of which are infinitely interesting. I am also lucky enough to have a teacher who is proficient enough at both performing and teaching on these instruments to do me justice in my educational path. It's almost unbelievable (to me) how much I've learned in one year, and for that I am absolutely grateful (in case anybody gives a shit, haha).
It is, however, strange that my whole view of music has changed entirely since I started studying it. If anything, this intense amount of exposure to all of this new music has done nothing but enhanced my already overwhelming awe of music. I can't even explain how much music has become even MORE a part of me. It possesses my every thought. I am finally beginning to feel a harmonious bond between my thoughts and the music inside of them.
The next step is to figure out what to do with it all. Nothing feels better to me than seeing things fall into place. The stars are aligning in my future; I can feel it stronger than ever before. It's that 'click' that I'm missing. Something needs to click, and until I find it, I will constantly be searching. I find myself veering further and further from the ciriculum that UT has to offer me. I'm feeling a strong insurgence of energy telling me to follow this divergence to a place where I can feel the more 'real' elements of myself.
Believe it or not, I used to have much stronger feelings of identification than I do now. A new goal I have is to (re)discover the strongest combination of my new and old senses of identification. That is where I feel I need to be to embark on what I believe will be some of the best adventures of my life.
Not only have I progressed in the areas that I truly wanted to (mainly behind the drum kit), but I have also been exposed to SO MUCH new music, as well as new instruments. Percussion in itself holds an unbelievably vast arsenal of instruments, all of which are infinitely interesting. I am also lucky enough to have a teacher who is proficient enough at both performing and teaching on these instruments to do me justice in my educational path. It's almost unbelievable (to me) how much I've learned in one year, and for that I am absolutely grateful (in case anybody gives a shit, haha).
It is, however, strange that my whole view of music has changed entirely since I started studying it. If anything, this intense amount of exposure to all of this new music has done nothing but enhanced my already overwhelming awe of music. I can't even explain how much music has become even MORE a part of me. It possesses my every thought. I am finally beginning to feel a harmonious bond between my thoughts and the music inside of them.
The next step is to figure out what to do with it all. Nothing feels better to me than seeing things fall into place. The stars are aligning in my future; I can feel it stronger than ever before. It's that 'click' that I'm missing. Something needs to click, and until I find it, I will constantly be searching. I find myself veering further and further from the ciriculum that UT has to offer me. I'm feeling a strong insurgence of energy telling me to follow this divergence to a place where I can feel the more 'real' elements of myself.
Believe it or not, I used to have much stronger feelings of identification than I do now. A new goal I have is to (re)discover the strongest combination of my new and old senses of identification. That is where I feel I need to be to embark on what I believe will be some of the best adventures of my life.
Music (Part 2 of ~)
So, it's jury day today...for those of you don't know, a jury is essentially the final exam of music majors, where they perform selections from all of the things that they have studied all semester. It allows our professors to assess our progress and determine what to do in the future.Either way, it is yet another bittersweet time for me.
My sleeping habits have been getting progressively worse, as is perhaps evident by the fact that this note will be published after 5:00AM. This, i'm hoping, will normalize once again after winter break, but it is nevertheless very unsettling and unhealthy. I have, however, as a result been squeezing in a lot more practice and study time, but it never seems to be enough.
As a young person, I am very prone to embarassment, especially when it comes to playing out. I have been led to believe that I am a relatively talented musician, but as of recent, despite how much time i've spent practicing and listening to new music, and trying to think more musically about everything, I can't help but feel quite the opposite. There is so much progress to be made, and so little time. This is my first jury of many, but the feeling of inadequacy that is plaguing my mind right now is unbearable. I have nothing to play which I feel proud of, and for that I am truly ashamed.I have undoubtedly made progress, but I know that its not enough. If I want to live up to what I know i'm capable of, I need to be progressing faster, and I need to push myself harder. I am quite sure that I will hear those words in some form later today from both Mark and Keith (Percussion Professors), and I again am embarassed.
I always tell myself that it's ok, because I'm young and still have a lot of time to get better. I don't by any means expect overnight results, but knowing that I am the weakest player in the whole studio is really unsettling...I don't view it as a competition, but it sure would be nice to actually feel like I can call myself a musician without this unbearable weight of inadequacy hanging around my neck.
I know that it's all just a phase, and it will be over soon, but I just felt like sharing a little bit of my frustration. I do look very much forward to the time when I become that 'musician' that I've always wanted to be.
My sleeping habits have been getting progressively worse, as is perhaps evident by the fact that this note will be published after 5:00AM. This, i'm hoping, will normalize once again after winter break, but it is nevertheless very unsettling and unhealthy. I have, however, as a result been squeezing in a lot more practice and study time, but it never seems to be enough.
As a young person, I am very prone to embarassment, especially when it comes to playing out. I have been led to believe that I am a relatively talented musician, but as of recent, despite how much time i've spent practicing and listening to new music, and trying to think more musically about everything, I can't help but feel quite the opposite. There is so much progress to be made, and so little time. This is my first jury of many, but the feeling of inadequacy that is plaguing my mind right now is unbearable. I have nothing to play which I feel proud of, and for that I am truly ashamed.I have undoubtedly made progress, but I know that its not enough. If I want to live up to what I know i'm capable of, I need to be progressing faster, and I need to push myself harder. I am quite sure that I will hear those words in some form later today from both Mark and Keith (Percussion Professors), and I again am embarassed.
I always tell myself that it's ok, because I'm young and still have a lot of time to get better. I don't by any means expect overnight results, but knowing that I am the weakest player in the whole studio is really unsettling...I don't view it as a competition, but it sure would be nice to actually feel like I can call myself a musician without this unbearable weight of inadequacy hanging around my neck.
I know that it's all just a phase, and it will be over soon, but I just felt like sharing a little bit of my frustration. I do look very much forward to the time when I become that 'musician' that I've always wanted to be.
Music (Part 1 of ~)
Today was a bittersweet day for me, in oh so many ways. I suppose I could include a little chunk of yesterday as well, as it all started at about 9:30PM on Monday night, when I get a text message saying that Siren has a shot at playing the World Grotto (insanely cool underground venue in Knoxville) on Tuesday (just 25 hours from then). Me, being the excited freshman that I am, having heard nothing but good things about the World Grotto, was completely up for trying to pull a set together, despite the fact that Siren currently has no employed guitarist.
So, my good friend Casey, who is actually our saxophone player, and I decide that we will collectively cover all of the guitar parts that would be missing and create a set long enough to play this show.To make a long story short, we stayed up all night practicing and creating a set for this Grotto show, and finally finished at 6:30AM, at which point I decided I would just push through until after my 10AM drum lesson.
So I practiced for a long time after my all night practice session for Siren, and strangely enough, I made a lot of progress. I have been really noticing progress in my playing and knowledge in the past week, largely due to my drastic increase in practice time (duh...) So by 9AM, i'm feeling pretty good about myself, despite the lack of sleep, as thats just something I have to cope with more often than I would ever have thought necessary. Then I get to my lesson with Mark Douglass (for those of you who don't know, this is one of the coolest and most together people I have ever met). I preface the lesson by telling him that I didn't sleep, but that I was perfectly awake and wanted to have my lesson anyway.
Either way, I had a great lesson, or so I thought. I made a lot of progress, listened to the adjustments that I was told to make, etc...good times, right?Then I meet with Mark and the whole Percussion Studio, and listen through what was probably one of the most impactful speeches i've ever heard. Essentially, Mark told everybody what is hard to hear as a student, especially of music, which is that in order to succeed in such a hard field, you have to devote every fiber of your being to your own excellence.
This sounds extreme, but it made sense. He then went on to say that the problem that he had witnessed in me and a hinderence in my ability to reach my true potential was that I let my decisions outside of my studies effect me too much.
As somebody who yearns for adventure, and tries to take opportunities to travel (even if its just 3 hours to a concert in Atlanta), or just experience unique feelings of success and gratification (staying up all night just to play an opening gig at the World Grotto), it is hard for me to acknowledge and correct this fact about my life. In my time here, it has been those times when I have allowed myself to be removed from my natural element that I have truly been able to experience self-discovery and revelation.
It is on that note that I am left with many questions:
What price must I pay for excellence?
What can afford to be sacrificed?
Can there be no balance?
Is it worth it?
I hope so...
So, my good friend Casey, who is actually our saxophone player, and I decide that we will collectively cover all of the guitar parts that would be missing and create a set long enough to play this show.To make a long story short, we stayed up all night practicing and creating a set for this Grotto show, and finally finished at 6:30AM, at which point I decided I would just push through until after my 10AM drum lesson.
So I practiced for a long time after my all night practice session for Siren, and strangely enough, I made a lot of progress. I have been really noticing progress in my playing and knowledge in the past week, largely due to my drastic increase in practice time (duh...) So by 9AM, i'm feeling pretty good about myself, despite the lack of sleep, as thats just something I have to cope with more often than I would ever have thought necessary. Then I get to my lesson with Mark Douglass (for those of you who don't know, this is one of the coolest and most together people I have ever met). I preface the lesson by telling him that I didn't sleep, but that I was perfectly awake and wanted to have my lesson anyway.
Either way, I had a great lesson, or so I thought. I made a lot of progress, listened to the adjustments that I was told to make, etc...good times, right?Then I meet with Mark and the whole Percussion Studio, and listen through what was probably one of the most impactful speeches i've ever heard. Essentially, Mark told everybody what is hard to hear as a student, especially of music, which is that in order to succeed in such a hard field, you have to devote every fiber of your being to your own excellence.
This sounds extreme, but it made sense. He then went on to say that the problem that he had witnessed in me and a hinderence in my ability to reach my true potential was that I let my decisions outside of my studies effect me too much.
As somebody who yearns for adventure, and tries to take opportunities to travel (even if its just 3 hours to a concert in Atlanta), or just experience unique feelings of success and gratification (staying up all night just to play an opening gig at the World Grotto), it is hard for me to acknowledge and correct this fact about my life. In my time here, it has been those times when I have allowed myself to be removed from my natural element that I have truly been able to experience self-discovery and revelation.
It is on that note that I am left with many questions:
What price must I pay for excellence?
What can afford to be sacrificed?
Can there be no balance?
Is it worth it?
I hope so...
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